when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
