it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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