I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize