I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize