Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
