just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
