the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
