I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it glows. i had to have it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
