4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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