she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
