Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't deserve a penis
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
