I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
