i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
