he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
