when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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