That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
