Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
