last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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