Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
