she was so not down for the gang bang
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
