y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
