i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
