So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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