Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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