I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
