he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
