My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
