Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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