I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
