is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize