just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
