well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
