Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
