Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
