People in love make me want to vomit
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
