Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize