i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
