ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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