Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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