he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
