I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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