I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
