: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
