bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
