yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
