New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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