i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize