I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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