He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
