i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
