you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
