Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
