We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
