Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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