he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
