her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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