Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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