are you still at the devil's house?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
