She is in my trunk
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
