Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
