Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You need a sexual gate keeper
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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