My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
