I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
