guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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