Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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