There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
