Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize