to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
