my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
