I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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