My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
