My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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