so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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